Hoping For A Fortunate Son

by Jan on January 11, 2011

Waiting pretty much sucks; in line, in traffic, for that promotion, test scores, a yes, a no… I don’t think I know anyone that relishes waiting. Melody Beattie encourages us to “revel in the void” and that this is the place from which all creation springs. This has been inspiring in the past, but today falls short.

Today I wait. Perhaps for good news. Maybe for bad. I sit in the waiting room of Legacy Emmanuel Hospital as my husband undergoes exploratory surgery for the origin of a cancer he has been diagnosed with and I wait. I look at the clock, the annoying game show on TV, people with fearful and strained expressions behind laptops and newspapers, the coffee pot, the fish tank and the half written blog glaring at me.

Not knowing sucks. How much easier the journey when we know where we are going or what we will encounter along the way. Some say that’s boring and safe. Right now I say ‘please’. The problem with waiting and not knowing is with which performance is taking place at the off, off, off Broadway Theatre, Gray Matter. On this stage the mind plays from your worst imaginable fear to your granted wishes with special appearances by  Doubt and Relief.

“What’s the worst that can happen?” we often hear. I cannot even fathom to entertain that question right now. So I wait. And I wait knowing so deep in the core of who I am that there is One Greater than Myself whom I call God. And that no matter the outcome, I am not alone and will be sustained by a strength that shows up best when I am without.

I’m also listening to Credence which helps a great deal.

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