I Never Rode on a Float

by Jan on August 28, 2021

I never marched in a parade.

I never climbed a mountain.

I never published a book.

I never invented anything.

I never took in foster kids.

I never surfed in the ocean or ran a race.

I never had intelligent conversations with people of great influence.

I never sailed a ship or galloped on a horse, or swam with the dolphins.

I never was a famous talk show host or took dancing lessons.

I never traveled the world.

I never had a ton of money nor clinked glasses with the wealthy.

I never laid my life down for a cause.

I never had any influence whatsoever in a political arena.

I never and I never and I never…

Sometimes the Nevers whisper to me and bat about my head, and when I entertain them and give them a place to sit at my table, and when I listen and agree with them, I somehow feel I lived a life of very little importance. A life just not worth talking about. And when I’m stuck dining with the Nevers, it appears that everyone else is eating with the Haves. And then I feel bad and slouch in my seat.

But when I say, “Shut up, you taunting and useless Nevers,” and turn my gaze and welcome in the Haves; I rise up.

I have birthed and raised two children who have become lovely vibrant adults.

I have sat in the company of the hurting and brought comfort to the broken.

I have learned to type.

I have encouraged those who have misplaced their steps.

I have followed a career path that gave me more joy than I could contain.

I have learned to write.

I have learned to communicate with eloquence.

I have overcome a debilitating mental illness and addictions and have lived in twenty years of a sober and sound mind.

I have stopped lying and speak the truth.

I have learned to turn off the TV and read a book.

I have learned social media is only a bunch of people giving sometimes flabby opinions and has nothing to do with what I hold true.

I have painstakingly learned God loves me, and for all eternity, that will never change. Not a bit.

I have, in place of apathy, learned to be kind.

I have, in place of divisive competition, learned to help others on similar journeys find their way.

I have, and I have, and I have…

And then miraculously when my Haves wash over me, ushered in are the I AM’S.

I am courageous.

I am intelligent.

I am a champion for the ignored.

I am cherished.

I am all-inclusive.

I am funny and can make people laugh.

I am a gift.

I am empowered to carry the kindness of God.

And from The Great I Am,

I am gifted to relish in my story,

Of all the Nevers,

And all the Haves,

And the whole of who I AM.

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